just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
