Cold hands, warm shart.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
