I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
