Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
