it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
