Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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