Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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