Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
