You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
