My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
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