So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
