Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I want to fling myself into the sun
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize