so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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