somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
