the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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