Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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