U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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