I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Randomize
