I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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