so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
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you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
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Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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