just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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