dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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