He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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