Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
