If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
