She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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