Got a toothbrush?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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