hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just blew my weed a kiss
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Randomize
