Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
