I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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