Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
