Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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