I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
