He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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