i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
