You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
