Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
