Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
