you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
