everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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