No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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