i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I didn't notice because vodka
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
