He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
