new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.