worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
