The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years