After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.