We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
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Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
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I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.