I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."