Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
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I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
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Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole