who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
