R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
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