You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
