just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
