4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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