It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
