Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
