In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
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i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
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I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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