she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
