I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
