R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
