Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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