Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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