finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
