Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
