Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
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Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
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the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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