Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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