if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
