Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
