Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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