Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
and she was petting her beer can
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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