it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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