i barfeds in our rink
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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