If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My pussy is not your playground.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
