my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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