wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
