if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
and i looked up. we had an audience...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
