am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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