so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Shame - the story of my life.
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