mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
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He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
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Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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