who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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