OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".