Operation Purity has been aborted
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
