...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
