Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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