he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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