got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
