Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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