Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
