The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
