I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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