my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
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