my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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