Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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