So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
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